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I've got some catching up to do. It's been a busy month around here. A few weeks ago, Cassidy turned 14. I'm still trying to figure out how that happens. In her mind, I'm probably like 67 or something. In my mind, I'm about 27. Neither of us is quite in touch with reality it seems.
Having a teenager of the female variety is one of the hardest things I've ever done...and I'm certainly not done yet. It's one of those journeys that, when I'm all finished and I look back, only then will I have the answers I wish I'd had along the journey. I want to be super cool, because, sort of like the "27 thing", in my MIND I pretty much am cool. But, my job is, first and foremost, that of being "Mom", so, in her mind, it's sort of like the "67 thing", and I have a feeling I don't quite have the "coolness" status that I desire. It's sort of hard to mix...that "cool" thing and that "Mom" thing. It's a difficult balance. Once in a blue moon, I hit the mark, but that seems to be pretty rare. Of course when SHE finishes this part of her journey, I do believe that she'll look back and see things a little differently than she does right now.
But all in all, I look at my daughter and I'm proud. I know I see more of her than what she sees in herself at times. I see all the goodness in her heart, and I want to bring every bit of if out to the surface. In this difficult stage of her life, I know she's trying very hard to find herself...to figure out for herself who she really is. All I want for her is to become that person inside herself that she already is...it's just a matter of figuring out how, and that is something she can only do for herself, which is also one of the hardest things as a mom. I can certainly guide her, but ultimately, I can't do it for her.
I know that through my blog, she sees a side of me that she doesn't always see. So I just want to say something that I'm sure she doesn't hear nearly often enough. Cassidy...I love you.
